Building Strong Relationships with Students

“If we want meaningful change, we have to make a connection to the heart before we can make a connection to the mind. “- George Couros

  Building relationships leads to trust, which empowers students and staff alike. Relationships are the key to unlocking a child’s full potential. Sometimes, I hear, “We do not have time to do that,” but how can you not have time? We have to invest the time. When we build relationships, we establish trust and confidence in our students, and ultimately, we will be amazed at the outcome!

 If I could speak to my younger self when I entered the teaching profession 30 years ago, I would say- “Take the time to build relationships. The time you invest in them at the beginning of the school will reap countless rewards.”

Ways to begin to build relationships with students

• Learn their names

It is crucial to take the time to learn students’ names and pronounce them correctly. A few weeks before school, I get my roster with a picture of each student. I study it, learn names, and embed the students’ faces into my memory so that I can greet them by saying their names on the first day of school. It is worth the time to see the huge smile across the child’s face as they hear you say their name before entering the classroom. 

• Greet students and parents outside your classroom door 

Some schools have a meet-and-greet before school begins, but in my district, that only happens for kindergarten. On the first day of school, I make sure that I am outside 10 to 15 minutes before school starts so that I may begin to build those relationships. If I have a sibling of a former student, I make sure I make that connection, check in with the parents, and ask about that child, as well. If it is a brand new family, then I take the time to stop, make eye contact, address them by name, and introduce myself. It is vital that the first interaction is warm and inviting and makes an excellent first impression. A relationship is being built from that first moment. 

I greet students and parents at the door every day of the year.

• Make a connection with families before the first day 

Either through email or a communication app like Class Dojo or Remind, connect with families with a short introduction or a direct message to each family telling them how excited you are to have their student in your class and to begin to build a partnership with them. 

These initial connections speak volumes about how the year will develop for you and your students. 

• Send out a parent survey

Send a parent survey out at the beginning of the school year. Ensure you include a question asking how you can connect with their students, such as whether they have hobbies, like sports, participate in extracurricular activities, etc. This information can allow you to start building a relationship with the student. 

My son was a quiet student, and his freshman year in high school was the first time a teacher asked that question. It changed the whole trajectory of the year for him. I gave her some ideas for connecting with him, and she kept her word. Based on what I shared, she took my information and built a relationship with my son. It was the first time he felt seen in school. I wish it hadn’t taken so many years for that to happen to him. 

• Be a good listener

Create some getting-to-know-you activities where students can share about themselves in a comfortable way where they feel safe. As you perform these activities- actively listen and note what you can learn. Connect with the students for the rest of the week by using what you learned about them. For example, if a student likes baseball, see how you can incorporate baseball into your conversations. It makes a world of difference when students feel heard and that you have an interest in them. 

• Secret Handshakes

Some years back, I had seen a video on Twitter or Instagram of a teacher greeting each student with a secret handshake. I was instantly enchanted with this idea.  I love to find ways to bond with my students and build our relationship.  I thought this could be an added layer to creating that rapport. So, about seven years ago, at the beginning of the year, I told my students to devise a secret handshake for us to do when we greet. They all were excited about this challenge.  The next day, we greeted each other at the door with the handshakes they had created. They loved it; it was our morning routine for the whole school year. They looked forward to it, and they expected it every morning. There were times when we had an audience of people who stopped to watch and parents who were amazed by this morning ritual and in awe of how I could remember each one. But, just as we take the time to learn our students’ names, learning a different handshake for each child is not such a difficult feat.  This greeting at the door every morning sets the tone for the day. It made each child feel valued, meaningful, and unique. That was my ultimate goal. I wanted each child to feel that they mattered in my classroom. This greeting then led to our morning meeting every day.

If you do not want to have them create secret handshakes, then at least give them a choice of how they can greet you each morning- high five, elbow tap, hug, etc. and make sure you greet them each morning with that gesture, a secret handshake and their name. 

The school year should begin with a greeting and acknowledgment of each other. We must ensure that we are all seen and valued to build strong relationships. 

• Morning Meeting

 Morning meetings help build community and relationships. Students can engage positively with you and each other. They start building relationships in the first week. They help nurture the belief that all the students matter and are essential and valued. They create smiles, laughter, and friendship in the room. They can be a complete game-changer in my classroom!

 

Ultimately, what you do at the beginning of the school year to build relationships will establish the trust and safety needed in the classroom community. When that is established, student success is sure to follow!